I’ve realized that, at some point, I’ve simply stopped.
Stopped trying, stopped feeling joy, stopped caring.
But it had started to hurt, not so much for the very different number I saw in the “likes” (obviously that aspect didn’t help either, especially for a person like me who has always sought the approval of others, before myself), but what started to hurt too much was the loss of interest in what I had to say and convey with my pictures.
I’m starting to think from another point of view: what if I was the first to stop wanting to convey something other than a “product”? What if I was the first to lose interest once those barren numbers were lost?
If, until now, I blamed 100% outside myself, now I have to admit that I too have stopped wanting to commit myself.
From smaller gestures like always translating what I write, to bigger gestures, like wanting to seek connections with other people.
I don’t want to make big “everything will be different from today” proclamations, most of the time I can’t keep them.
Instead, I want to promise myself one thing: try, make mistakes, and speak for yourself, as long as you try to rediscover the joy you once had.