May 23rd, 2023
I’ve realized that, at some point, I’ve simply stopped.
Stopped trying, stopped feeling joy, stopped caring.
But it had started to hurt, not so much for the very different number I saw in the “likes” (obviously that aspect didn’t help either, especially for a person like me who has always sought the approval of others, before myself), but what started to hurt too much was the loss of interest in what I had to say and convey with my pictures.
I’m starting to think from another point of view: what if I was the first to stop wanting to convey something other than a “product”? What if I was the first to lose interest once those barren numbers were lost?
If, until now, I blamed 100% outside myself, now I have to admit that I too have stopped wanting to commit myself.
From smaller gestures like always translating what I write, to bigger gestures, like wanting to seek connections with other people.
I don’t want to make big “everything will be different from today” proclamations, most of the time I can’t keep them.
Instead, I want to promise myself one thing: try, make mistakes, and speak for yourself, as long as you try to rediscover the joy you once had.